Good luck all you sports fans visiting Rio for the World Cup in 2014 and Olympics in 2016. The contrast from the snowy quiet UK in Winter to the tropical hedonistic Rio in Summer is quite a shock to the system. We spent four nights in Rio and probably still hadn't adjusted by the time we moved on.
That tiny Jesus is actually very, very far away (and massive)
Our first day we went to Ipanema beach, Rio's second biggest beach after Copacobana. I now understand the need for a Brazilian wax. Ladies of all shapes and sizes fully embracing the thong bikini. It's like they've all taken fashion advice from a 15 year old boy. MORE ASS MORE TITS. Despite renting an umbrella and putting sun cream on we both still managed to burn in a few odd little places. Typical.
The next day we took the cable car to the top of sugarloaf mountain, a big lump of rock on a headland with spectacular views over Rio. Thankfully they seemed to have soldered the cables back together following the damage caused by Jaws in Moonraker.
Sugarhill Mountain taken from Botafogo beach
On our last day we went for a walk to an area called Urca for lunch but forgot the credit card. After many mutual accusations of incompetence we got the bus back, got a Subway sandwich (turns out to be just as difficult to order when you can't even speak the language), had a nap and headed out to Copacabana beach. We then walked round the headland to Ipanema beach where we just missed a pre-carnival carnival. Good thing too. Looked like carnage. So we sat and watched the sunset with a beer before having a Brazilian steak dinner and heading back.
It was no sad thing to be leaving Rio the next day. I wouldn't say I'm too old for Rio, I just think perhaps Rio is too raw for me. If your idea of a good time is living a Jeremy Kyle lifestyle then Rio is the place for you. I much preferred our next stop of Paraty, a small and quiet beachside town. On arrival to Paraty we were left in no doubt as to why it's called rainforest. In between and during the deluges we squeezed in a wander to the beach and a cycle to a waterfall.
On our last full day the sun reappeared and we went on a boat trip where we saw lots of varieties of nature: Turtle, red monkey, fish, grey monkey, lizard, bird, dolphin and dog. We then accidentally shared a tasty lizard meat kebab for dinner.
Boat trip around the coast of Paraty
Carrying on south we hit São Paulo, largest city in the Americas and 8th largest city in the world at time of writing. As a comparison, if Rio is Newquay then São Paulo is London. I really enjoyed our three nights staying in the Vila Madalena quarter. We headed into the central area on day one and just wandered. Surprisingly for an hour a day it's free to get in a lift to the roof terrace of a really tall tower block. A sea of city with waves of high rises stretching to the horizon in all directions.
The view from the top of the "Edificio Italiano", a tall tower block in the centre of São Paulo
The next day we went to the Japanese quarter of Liberdade and had noodles for lunch then in the evening joined a local Carnival street party. São Paulo goes in for Carnival just as much as Rio and there were two competing mobile sound systems touring the Vila Madelena area with revelers in tow. We let the one pumping out Madonna's greatest hits pass and followed the donkey themed drum and vocal combo.
Early on in the Carnival celebrations, it got a lot busier later when Bloco Jeguelétrico turned up.
Our bus to Campo Grande didn't leave until 6pm so after checking out we went to check out Beco do Batman (Batman Alley) which is kind of like a network of service alleys within a block of streets where all available surfaces have been graffitied to great effect.
Beco do Batman (Batman Alley)
We then headed with some trepidation for our first overnight bus. 14 hours to Campo Grande, leaving at 6pm and arriving at 7am having crossed a time zone. It actually wasn't too bad, comfy seats, plenty of entertainment to hand and ear plugs to block out the snorers made for an ok time.
We were met at the bus station by a dude (and I mean a dude - think Chico) from Pousada Santa Clara to start our tour of the Pantanal. After another three hours in a minibus we transferred to a tractor for the last hour to the lodge where we spent a really memorable four days. The Pantanal is a vast wetlands area in south west Brazil which extends into neighbouring Paraguay and Bolivia. So much wildlife, even just lounging in a hammock at the lodge there are little pig things rootling about, parroty birds flying past and small crocodile things bothering those in the camping area.
Parrot + Pigs
The first day we went on a boat trip in the morning where we quickly learned the value of wearing trousers and a long sleeved shirt and liberal mosquito repellant usage. Those of us wearing shorts and t-shirts were eaten alive. Felt pretty smug that morning kitted out like Bear Bloody Grills. In the afternoon we went on a road based night safari which quickly wiped that smug grin off my face. The truck broke down about 20km from anywhere turning us all into a mosquito's mixed platter. Continuing on foot while a replacement truck was dispatched we got to see an amazing dried up lake swarming with caiman.
Broke
Caiman. Lots of.
The next day we elected to skip/overslept the horse riding in the morning and went piranha fishing in the afternoon.
On the last day we went for a stroll through the woods where we spotted a pair of Mexican wrestlers.
Nacho Libre
In total we saw all these things at the Pantanal: Caiman, Chicken, Capybara, Iguana, Mini Grey Pig/Boar, Toucan, Parrot, Frog, Black Vulture, Heron, Howler Monkey, Many Many Many Misc. Birds, Mosquito, Giant Otter, Armadillo (both alive and dead), Firefly, Horse, Hummingbird, Tawny Owl, Cow, Deer, Fox, Blue Macaw, Woodpecker.
Our guide told us Hyacinth Macaw's pair up for life, amazing to think they love one another.
We then got another overnight bus down to Foz do Iguaçu which is a small town on the border of Paraguay and Argentina. It's not a particularly exciting place in itself, but the border of Brazil and Argentina is formed by the river Iguazu which by the most incredible work of science and nature has created the Iguazu Falls.
The Iguazu Falls from the Brazilian side
I tell you I'm struggling not to gush here. I could use every cliche going and not get close to the effect those gazillions of water molecules had on me. Each following their own path and combining with such fury to create a climate that supports its own unique species. Quite probably the single most spectacular thing I have ever had the fortune to witness and rightly considered one of the 7 natural wonders of the world.
And then to top it all the next day we crossed to the Argentine side and got better, closer views. We even splashed out on a boat ride which took us, literally, into the falls. You'll never have seen me so happy.
A happy puppy
I'm going to indulge now in too many photos and videos. Sadly even the videos don't do justice as the scale, depth and impact are entirely lost. I suggest you book flights now and witness it for yourself.
Another view from the Brazil side
The "Devils Throat" from the Argentine side
The boat trip took us right into that melee
After leaving the falls we took the bus down to Buenos Aires which is where we are now, recovering from another, albeit luxurious, overnight bus trip. Looking forward to a massive Argentine steak for dinner.
Brazil: Brilliant.
Love from,
Ralph xx
A few notes:
Brazilian electricians. Take more pride in your work.
Which bathroom zone is this shower head suitable for?!?
One of the great features of a lot of the major tourist destinations we've been to is a difference in price for locals and foreigners. It can be crap to see only foreign faces at places because the locals have been priced out of seeing their own attractions. Kind of like the PlymCard.
Basically everybody we met in Brazil was lovely, genuine, friendly and interesting. But I think there's some entertainment to be had from occasionally allowing yourself some intolerance, and I found that fun in Kai at Campo Grande. An oddity of a chump with his group of chump friends boiling 30 litres of water to cook a handful of pasta.
RJ: Hi, Ralph, nice to meet you Kai: Hi, Kai
Shake hands. Kai's hand is cold and moist. RJ makes mental note to wash hands urgently.
Kai: What're you cooking man?
Kai lifts lid on saucepan without permission.
Kai: Whoa. Bolognese. Nice. Have you ever tried elephants toenail bolognese? RJ: No, can't say I have. Did you say elephants toenail bolognese? Kai: Yeah man, elephants toenail bolognese.
Water boils in saucepan, RJ puts spaghetti in.
Chump Friend: Kai, show him how to put spaghetti in a saucepan. Kai: Oh yeah, this is amazing man.
Kai picks up spaghetti without permission, puts spaghetti in center of pan and spins it before letting go. Spaghetti lands in pointless but visually pleasing fan shape in saucepan.
RJ: I really don't understand. Where have you had elephants toenail bolognese? Kai: I haven't, it doesn't exist. Haha.
Silence
Why did you think I'd be impressed by your gobsmacking fan based technique for putting spaghetti into a saucepan? Why did you feel the need to place my accent, and then guess South African or Kiwi? How much space does that guitar leave you in your backpack Kai? A fucking guitar. Surely, like everyone else, at 15 you grew out of the need to hold late night loud conversations about getting high? May our paths never cross again Kai.
The border crossing from Foz do Iguaçu to Puerto Iguazu is a real pain in the arse by public transport. A bus from Foz takes you to the Brazilian border where you have to disembark to be stamped out of Brazil. The bus carries on without you so after getting the paperwork sorted you have to wait for the next bus which takes you one stop over the river to the Argentine border control where you have to get off again to be stamped into Argentina before getting back on to be taken to Puerto Iguazu.
When I asked the Brazilian customs lady how far it would be to walk to the Argentine border rather than wait for the bus she warned us off the idea by using her finger to mime a gun held to her head. Super.
